Here I am sitting at the kitchen table waiting for my brother to pick me up. We are heading over to JC Penney's to buy some dress shirts. Talk about being a little uncomfortable. You see the last Sunday that my sister was visiting, which happened to be Father's Day, I told my true feelings about my late Uncle Mike.
Growing up, Uncle Mike would tickle me, it was just a little tickle here and there. It was to the point whenever we were in the same room he would tickle me and no matter how many times I would tell him to stop, he wouldn't. To this day I still don't like to be touched around my neck, back and my sides without getting creapt out. Last time someone touched my neck my skin literally crawled and I couldn't shake the feeling. Over the years after a lot of patience on my friends part, I have overcome most of the feelings.
About 5 years ago, Uncle Mike died of a brain hemorrhage, needless to say I did not morn his passing. On Father's Day, I overheard my sister and former sister-in-law talking about him. My sister was talking about how the good things he used to do and how he always made time for us. But in my mind I still remembered the bad and I let them know that when he died I was glad.
My sister was not too happy about the statement. In her mind what my uncle did was not that bad and that I shouldn't have reacted the way I did. But having suffered through years of what I considered torture she would never understand. My comments worried my sister-in-law, and she tried to convince me to get counseling and I told her that I was over it. I didn't need counseling.
Adriana (SIL), talked to my 2 brothers. I don't know how to feel about them knowing. On the 4th of July my older brother Mario, helped me out of my car after I got off of work and it looked like he was crying. It hurt me to know that I was the cause of the pain. I love my brothers very much and today going shopping with Mario makes me worried. I don't want him to feel like he has to walk on egg shells when he is around me.
I am NOT fragile and I won't break. I know they feel guilty for not stopping my Uncle Mike, but they didn't know. How can they stop something that they weren't aware of. Also back then and still today tickling is considered harmless. Much like bullying was 20 years ago people don't put much into tickling. But when tickling goes beyond being fun for the one being tickled then it is considered torture. At least for me it was.
So after all of this is said and done, I have decided that I do need to get some counseling. I have so many issues that I need help with. This is not the first time that I have been told I need counseling, but this is the first time I decided to listen and I will seek out the help that I need.
