Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Lying in bed...

Lying in bed another sleepless night. I hate to say this but I am used to it by now. I have too much thoughts and ramblings going on in my head. I am worried and scared. School is going good. I am actually doing well in my classes. But today I found out that we are having 2 permanent guests staying with us. My brothers dogs Nolo and Nemo. Don't get me wrong I enjoy the dogs, they are fun and lively. It's just a sign of things that are changing, just a little too quickly.
Right now I am worried that we may lose our house. I know that I will always have a roof over my head and food on the table, but I have lived here for over 20 years. This is not only the place that I have lived most of my life, but this is my home. I am worried for my parents, finances are so tight that my mom hasn't been going to the doctor like she should. My father is so worried about finances that it scares me.
I know what most will say, trust God. Trust that God is there for me and that he has plans for me and my family. But I am scared, I don't want to leave my home or my neighborhood. I am trying to trust in God and his plans but it is hard. I want to do something more than pray, go to school and go to work. There must be more that I can do. But I know that it is out of my hands and in God's.
This is not including the stress that I am feeling from all other aspects of my life. Right now I am so stressed that I am not handling it well. I want to scream at the top of my lungs, "LEAVE ME ALONE... DON'T BOTHER ME!!!!" But that will never happen, I have tried that and all that does is leave me horse. I am tired, fed up, but most of all I am scared.
PLEASE GOD... I AM LOST AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!

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